Growing Pains

In the midst of emotional turmoil and unpleasant circumstances, I sometimes realize--as though I momentarily step back from my plight and can see with different eyes--that God is training me. Life's an obstacle course of sorts. More often than not, someone sage and loving (e.g., Aunt Melinda), simply points this out to me. I can't even take credit for "realizing" it.

And sometimes in the midst of my own little struggles, I hear news of martyrdom (in this case the missionaries in Turkey) or some other such event that makes my "emotional turmoil" seem like the pettiest of problems. But I wonder if, even in the presence of death, my own obstacle course in human relationships is less than some other event in God's eyes. He works in both situations; He glorifies His name through my little lesson learned and through the horrific earthly death of one of His children. It does challenge my perspective, though. How can I let my attention rest only on my life when my Lord and Master works everywhere? Yes, there is importance in what He's teaching me, but He's not just at work in my heart. And so I feel valued yet realize that I can't just lounge in feeling chastised or valued. God's work is bigger than I. . . . And He has made me part of that work!

In the more logistical side of life, I've got plane tickets for California. Looks like I'm really going to a month of linguistics classes. I wonder what I'll learn there.

On a Clean Room

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by how downright complicated it is to be human. You have an intellect, talents, emotions, opportunities, relationships, choices, open doors, closed doors, books, clothes, mixed feelings, hunger, thirst, chocolate, jobs, limitations, vitamins, laundry, groceries, advantages, good looks, and bad hair days. All this stuff clamors every day to be noticed, dealt with, balanced, resolved, etc., etc., etc. And some days I feel so overwhelmed and lost in all the mess that I want to put on bright pink socks, hop on my bike, and drive to the end of some road in another state. Or I might actually have to run because I think I've let my chain rust.

Then there are times like now when I look around at my room, which I was able to clean this weekend. My dresser is cleared of the persistent piles of paper scraps; I've dusted everything; my desk has one small pile of things to deal with and a few receipts that I haven't logged yet (actually, since posting, I've cleared these piles, too); my floor is clear; all my clean clothes are ironed and put away; my books are in neat stacks; the sheets on my bed are fresh; I've gotten to leave my window open for fresh air the past two beautiful days; I balanced my checkbook; I've had my piece(s) of chocolate; and even though I have to go to work tomorrow, everything is okay.

If only peace were so simple. You'd just have to think a few purifying thoughts, brush your teeth, and voila! peace, like a clean room. sigh.

The most awesomest story ever!!

And it's true!

Death? and taxes?

There are 15+ buzzard/hawk-type birds circling above the trees outside my office. Before, I've seen maybe three at the most. I wonder what luscious roadkill they've spotted. I just hope it isn't my brain, which at times I think is rotting behind my very eyes.

I think I've posted about my priorities before, but life just keeps getting more complicated, and I can't seem to actually change my priorities. Any advice, anyone?

Here's what I want my priorities to be/think they should be:

• Time with the Lord
• Books (including such things as self-study, GRE prep--I just registered to take it in June!--and that long list to the right of unread books on my shelves)
• People (friends, and, of course, Trey. And the Trey part is tricky because I'm not sure how much priority this should have on my time at this point. . .it's important, but not urgent (which I apparently learned from Franklin Covey via Steve Lanier). Obviously wants and needs differ rather dramatically at this point.)
• Running (I miss it)

These are things I would like to do daily, though I think the people part doesn't have to be daily physical contact. I get plenty of verbal communication via email, facebook, phone, etc.

Here's what my priorities end up being:

• Getting to work on time (though I often fail at this)
  
• Staying awake at my desk
• Making sure I have clothes to wear to work that aren't dirty or wrinkly
• Paying bills, grocery shopping, not leaving the house or my room a total wreck
• Worrying about classes that I haven't been to or haven't done the homework for
• Spending time with friends (rather unmoderated; people are more important than pretty much everything and I don't always balance that well)
• Trying to get to bed before 1 a.m.

I've been a little better about spending time with the Lord, but it's often rushed and squeezed in, which doesn't look like a priority.

Hm. This is more of a "Dear Diary" than a very pleasant post to read. Maybe my problem is that I love spontaneity yet crave routine? I did have a lovely spontaneous trip to Tickfaw State Park with Trey and his family this past weekend. It was definitely worth any sacrifice to my petty priorities.

Anyway, I've apparently made posting on my blog more of a priority than working. I should probably remedy that now.

Some well-spent wasted time

Amazing.

Explode!

We've had three cloudy days in a row, and my chocolate consumption has spiked. Yet here on the day when my spirits would be lowest, I find blessed thankfulness.

• chocolate (of course!)
• Aunt Melinda (what a friend and blessing she is!)
• Mom and Dad (how wonderful to have loving, godly parents)
• rain (it does make everything nice and green, even if the air gets sticky)
• my good friends Daniel and Sarah Jo and my roommate Bethany, and many others who are dear to me (God is good to put us in community, and how easy it is to take God-fearing brothers and sisters for granted)
• Target and Kroger (okay, so maybe they don't encourage good stewardship in me, but you have to admit they're great stores)
• Tide laundry detergent and clean clothes
• books
• Mrs. Olps (another godly friend and counselor)
• Redeemer Church and her faithful pastors, Mike and Steve
  
• the Bible and God's faithfulness to make it effective
• God's faithfulness
• Trey (possibly the most awesome human person in my life right now)

Look, the sun's coming out!

(I should note that I am also thankful for the ability to be cheesy and mean it and laugh at it simultaneously.)