Frustration

Well, I have been trying (for ten whole minutes, I think) to load a fancy post with pictures of Amy and Pearce and appropriate text neatly lined up to a corresponding picture. I have found, however, that I am inept when it comes to loading pictures and neatly lined up text.

Some other time I will put up pictures, I guess. Maybe when I have more time and not at the end of a work day AND week when I'm about to lose it anyway. What I'd like right now is a comfy couch, my favorite throw, a good book or movie, and my Husby to snuggle. Not a stupid computer program that can't read my mind.

We had a nice cool spell today. I don't think it got past 80. Of course, this didn't make much difference to me from my vantage point of the freezing office. I was in my shawl as usual.

Trey is reading Terry Pratchett's Wyrd Sisters. I finished it last week and then blazed through Anne McCaffrey's first book in the Dragonriders of Pern series, Dragonflight. After that I picked up Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. As you can tell from the title, it's about something going wrong. I haven't gotten through the first chapter, and I'm so filled with dread that nothing has coaxed me to pick it up again. Trey tried to convince me that it will get better and be okay in the end. But I've read too many Russian novels to believe that. I used to love reading classic literature, but the past several years I haven't been able to bear anything more intense than Jane Austen. I'm not sure why this is. Some day I'd like to be able to get that M.A. I've always dreamed about, but if I can't read a short Russian novel, I don't see much hope there. I used to get really excited about engaging my mind with ideas and concepts that were new or that were expansions on my current understanding. Now all I worry about is doing the laundry and paying the bills on time.

Not sure I'm happy with the direction my priorities are taking.

Of course, Trey has been a good priority to establish. And I should mention that I still do discuss new ideas and concepts, and he is usually the one who instigates such discussions. I'd be totally lost without him; lost from my scholastic self, even.

I am just letting my brain get as out of shape as my muscles. They're so weak that it takes massive effort for even a small workout, which is so pitiful compared to what I used to be capable of that I just give up. Looks like I need self-discipline.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I didn't mean to go into all of this when I started this post, but it's been a nice moment of self-discovery---or self-revelation---or conviction---or something. Thanks.