Terms are what men live by

Invite: 1 a : to offer an incentive or inducement to : entice 2 a : to request the presence or participation of b : to request formally c : to urge politely: welcome

I define this lovely term (from Merriam-Webster's Collegiate) because I find it often confused with

Obligate: 1 : to bind legally or morally: constrain 2 : to commit (as funds) to meet an obligation

or even perhaps with the conveyance of

Expectation: 1 : the act or state of expecting : anticipation 2 a : something expected b : basis for expecting: assurance 3 : the state of being expected

I would have you note, dear readers, the verbs of action in my first term above: "offer," "entice," "request," "urge," and "welcome." These in no way imply obligation, rather they flatter the invitee, communicating that said invitee's company is desirable and valued.

The acceptance of an invitation then communicates to the inviter that she can expect to enjoy the invitee's company. The mere invitation (again, "offer") does not give the inviter any excuse for expectation.

Also, the communication of an invitation does not in any way morally bind a person to accept said invitation. This precludes the invitee from having to offer excuses (1 a : to make apology for (2) 2 a : something offered as justification or as grounds for being excused b : an expression of regret for failure to do something c : a note of explanation of an absence). If the invitation hasn't been accepted, one need only say "yes, I can" or "no, I can't."

That said, I'd also like to point out that wavering between "yes" or "no" can be a burden to the inviter, especially if you are only saying "maybe" because you think you'll hurt said inviter's feelings. The laws of politeness require that a "maybe" be treated as a "yes" since, in actuality, the invitee could show up. This prevents the inviter from extending the invitation to another who may be able to accept the invitation. Rude, rude, rude.

Now, to anticipate some comments I'm sure will come from this, I'd like to address the subject of desire. Often we would like to accept an invitation, but find that we have previous or more pressing engagements or obligations. In order to thank the inviter for the honor of giving us the invitation, we feel the offering of reasons (i.e., excuses) will communicate our disappointment in being unable to accept the invitation.

Mom taught me long ago to merely express the desire to accept (Oh, that's sounds lovely! I would really enjoy that moonlit walk on the beach) and follow with the applicable response (Yes, I'll climb out the window at 10:30 and meet you under the tree or No, I won't be able to join you). Listing "reasons" implies that you need reasons or are looking for something to justify your refusal. Back to square one! You aren't obligated; someone has offered you something and you need only accept or decline.

Also, if you fall into the habit of giving "reasons," you find yourself in a tight situation when you have no reason other than that you don't want to. There is NOTHING WRONG with not wanting to accept an invitation. You DON'T NEED TO OFFER EXCUSES; you are not obligated until you've accepted an invitation.

And really, this post isn't directed to anyone in particular. Really. Just me feeling in a preachy mood on a Sunday afternoon.